Avoiding Violence
Suggestions for navigating a dangerous world
For those readers who follow me at the SC Baptist Courier, this is my October column. I thought it was worth sharing widely.
https://baptistcourier.com/2023/10/wholly-healthy-avoiding-violence/
Over the years I have seen treated many individuals who had been involved in violence. Most had violence inflicted upon them. But it was not uncommon for me to meet the alleged perpetrators, who sat on the ER stretcher in handcuffs.
Unfortunately, in these contentious times violence is not rare. So it’s probably good for us all to think about ways to avoid being involved in dangerous interactions. This is especially true for young men, who seem to find themselves in these situations more than other groups.
When my sons were young I gave them one of the most important bits of wisdom I could think of when it came to dealing with possible violence. “Boys, learn to keep your mouths shut.”
That is, don’t provoke angry, potentially dangerous people (particularly other men) and don’t give them reasons to stay angry. It’s all too easy to face off with another man and say, ‘oh, yeah, and what are you gonna do about it?’ Or ‘do you have a problem? Let’s take this outside!’
Things like that might feel empowering in the moment but in the end, one never knows when a gun or knife will appear, or when the unarmed individual turns out to be a dangerous person who has no restraint. (Or when all of his friends decide to join in the assault.)
By the way, it doesn’t take a weapon to create life-altering injuries. It’s not like the movies where everyone squares off and has a fair fight. There are no fair fights in the end.
The other thing I would say to a young man now is that it’s always best, when misunderstandings and anger arise, to simply say ‘hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything,’ or ‘I apologize if I insulted you.’
Along the same lines, road rage incidents can lead to terrible injuries or death. It’s really wise to learn not to honk, make hand gestures, scream or try to speed past others or cut them off. We can never know which person is simply annoyed and which is fleeing from the police; who is using drugs and who is simply late for work. And the potential danger to uninvolved bystanders is a very real threat, as cars crash into other cars or pedestrians.
Another reality of violence, little discussed, is that alcohol is associated with half of all violence (including half of murders) worldwide. People who are intoxicated are disinhibited and more prone to violence.
There’s a lot written on this topic, but I’ll close with this. When trouble is brewing, at a party or even on a city street, the best possible path is to find a safe exit and leave the area. Call the police along the way. But staying to watch, and film, the ‘festivities’ is dangerous. Bullets don’t care who is in their path. This is even more true when a man is responsible for the safety of his wife, girlfriend, a date or a child.
I’ve seen people die of violent injuries and it’s always a horrible thing, between the wounds, the blood and the weeping of family members. The less of it we all experience, the better.
PS: For further reading, The Gift of Fear, by Gavin De Becker, is an interesting book on learning to identify dangerous people and behaviors.
As a special education teacher who sometimes had assaultive students, I was trained to try de-escalate the situation, staying calm and non-threatening, while making sure I wasn't getting myself boxed in without an avenue to run for it if necessary. I have used those strategies several times during encounters with angry random strangers in public settings, and so far it's never come to violence.
Prudent advice.