Young Men, Learn to Be Strong and Kind

And useful and fierce

N.C. Wyeth, Arthur battling Mordred. From A Boy’s King Arthur.

The world is a tumultuous place. But then, when was it not? The history of mankind and civilization has always been an endless fluctuation between short periods of safety and progress, alternating with hunger, bloodshed, disease and tyranny.

I have no idea which direction we are moving. However, there seems to be much chaos and cruelty in the world. I know that it would be wise for us all to prepare. And I can say with reasonable confidence, that we are in dire need of men, particularly young men, to step into the gap and be bastions of safety and strength.

So, I would call on all men, and especially young men, to learn a few things going forward.

Learn to be kind, or at the very least, how to keep your mouth shut and many of your opinions (online and in person) to yourself. Kindness will put others at ease and will open doors you never imagined. It will disarm conflict and diffuse confrontation. And as for your opinion, most people in the world won’t change their opinions when you argue with them. (Maybe when you discuss, but not argue.) You may also learn that what you started to shout or type wasn’t that important (or accurate) when you reflect on it later.

Learn to see women, not as prey, not as objects of your own lewdness or lust, but as someone’s sister, daughter, mother or friend. Do not be a man, or project a personna, that puts women on edge. All too many women (a shocking number) have been sexually harassed or victimized. They have reason to distrust men. Do not make sexual comments or pressure them for phone numbers or attention. Do not make them uncomfortable or frightened, either at work or in public. Do not leer at them, do not ‘devour them with your eyes.’

It would be a great help in this effort if you would simply learn to stop using pornography. It objectifies women and statistically women who are engaged in pornography are frequently sexually assaulted, physically assaulted and suffer from genital injuries and sexually transmitted infections. Using pornography only makes you complicit in their suffering.

Learn to be a husband and father. These are high, noble goals. And if your father was terrible, then seek out men who are good at those things. Ask them to mentor you and guide you.

Learn to protect and defend the weak and the helpless, the vulnerable and the downtrodden. In particular, see old men, women and children as those deserving of your watchful eye. When you see them in public, whether they are your family or friends, or complete strangers, look around them for dangers and be willing at least to alert them to dangers so that they can escape. Next, be quick to call the authorities and finally, be willing to defend them in whatever manner seems best, safest and most lawful based on your abilities and.

Learn skills that are valuable. Whatever you do for a living, learn more. (And for goodness sake, learn things unrelated to computers as well.) Learn to work on things. Learn to fix vehicles or wire houses, learn to plumb a bathroom, learn to cut trees and firewood. Learn to pull out one of those ancient paper things called maps and compasses and navigate. Learn to hunt and fish. Learn to smith metal or carve wood. Learn to use radios and communication equipment. Learn to play an instrument. Learn basic emergency healthcare. Take a first responder class, an EMT class or more.

Learn to be in shape. Get off of the couch, put down the snacks, lose the weight. Lift weights, walk, then run. A few years ago, at 56, I began to run. I lost 30 pounds and although my weight fluctuates, I still have a level of cardiovascular fitness I haven’t had since I was a young man. If an old fat man like me can do it, then a young man certainly can.

Learn to walk away from alcohol and drugs. And yes, I also mean marijuana which is bad for you on so many levels, from reducing your motivation to making you vomit to causing psychosis. All of these things have a high price and the price rises steeply in old age when one is an addicted, out of shape man who is dying from the physical effects of the substances he once thought were so benign and fun.

Learn to fight. Whether you take Jujitsu or boxing, or simply want to use pepper-spray or firearms, learn and have available to you some way to protect the people you love or the people you happen to have to defend. Honestly, if only from attacking dogs! (These days I never go out without pocket knife, flashlight and pepper-spray. It is not encumbering, and it is as natural as anything to me now. Although the flashlight is probably the most used item I carry.)

Learn to read books and carry them with you. Learn about the values that matter to a culture, your culture. Read history and holy books, read novels and poetry. Ignore the people who say the wise men and women of the past are irrelevant. Let the ancients teach you, let your ancestors teach you.

Learn to revere faith and philosophy, the things that help us to understand the world, interepret the past, navigate the present and have hope for the future.

Learn to have the attention span that comes from sitting and spending time with the written word. Learn to write down ideas and thoughts, with a pen, on a notepad. It will clarify your thinking.

Learn to pay attention all around you. Take the earphones out, put the phone in your pocket, and look, listen, smell the world around you. You are here, now, because your ancestors were cautious in the face of danger. Honor them by being so again.

Learn to understand not just the physical world, but the cultural and political world around you. Be aware of the issues that impact your life.

I am often saddened by the men I see, both at work and in public, who have simply surrendered. They have surrendered to the popular nonsense and pointless distractions that come to them constantly on their phone-masters. Even in youth they are obese, they have no skills, they are addicted, they cannot be fit husbands or fathers, they have no fitness and they are simply helpless. They cannot function without the protection and constant rescue of others. And they will look back on those lives, one day, with great sorrow.

The world needs men, but it needs men who have taken the time to learn.

I am fortunate to have sons who are good men, who care about learning and about others. Who care about skills.

I therefore challenge all young men to to be good men, who have learned to be useful guardians of the weak and of society at large. And therefore, guardians of the future.

We will need you sooner than you imagine.